18 Things I've Learned 18 Months Into Being a Mom

A list to soothe my election anxieties.

It will never cease to amaze me that I have 1,000 nice photos of my husband and my son and 2 kind-of-okay photos of me and my son.

The election next week has me (and a lot of us) feeling more existential dread than usual which is making it hard to focus on any one task for too long. Plus, I have a cold. So, in lieu of an essay, I present to you a nice, clean list of 18 things I’ve learned over the past (almost) 18 months of being a mom because lists, despite their Substack reputation, make me feel like I have a semblance of control over something and leaves my brain feeling like a purring lap cat.

These are not words of wisdom per-se, more observations with some things I would have done differently mixed in. In no particular order:

1. Everyone says everything is a phase and in the age of instant gratification it’s annoying, but it’s true. Everything really is a phase. My son used to take 30 minute naps and I thought I was going to die, but now he naps for 2 glorious hours everyday. Hang in there! And know that if something sucks right now, it might get worse for a little while, but ultimately it will get better.  

2. It is near impossible to get the smell of vomit out of a carseat. Honestly, you’re better off burning it.

3. Think about your future self often and how you can make life easier for her. I find this especially helpful when it comes to meal prep. If you’re already in the kitchen making breakfast, why not prep some veggies to roast for dinner? Or better yet, just roast the veggies and reheat them later? I got this tip from nutritionist Shira Barlow’s wonderful, but now defunct podcast (she’ll actually be on Sitting Outside My House on the Phone soon! Eek!) A little preparation is key and goes a long way to getting good food on the table. 

4. Bedtime is crazy town for everyone. It’s not just you. Trust me on this.  

5. On that note, when it comes to sleep, do whatever works for you. Seriously. Up until recently, rocking my son to sleep was cozy and nice until I caught myself breathlessly singing Christmas carols while bobbing up and down with the fervor of someone at an Insane Clown Posse concert. It had been 25 minutes and I was sweating. Time to make a change! Also, we’re Jewish.  

6. If you’re in this deep and still using a temporary blackout shade in your baby’s room you are never going to get a permanent blackout shade. The jig is up.

7. When you need to fill yourself up with youth and nostalgia, do like Gwyneth Paltrow and sneak out to smoke a yellow American Spirit once a month when everyone else is in bed. You don’t even have to smoke it - just sitting on the curb and holding it like you would smoke it will suffice.

   

   Lux Lisbon in The Virgin Suicides, but also me when I smoke a yellow American Spirit.

8. Write anything you want to remember down because you will forget it otherwise! I have not done this enough even though I came up with a cute idea which you are welcome to use called Love Notes for Louis. I scribble little notes or milestones down on lined paper then fold them up and put them in a vintage hat box with the intent to give it to him when he is older. However, I’m not consistent about adding to the box and I need to be. Maybe I’ll start setting a monthly reminder. Problem solving in real time!  

9. Resist the urge to micro-manage and encourage your partner’s engagement and involvement from the get-go. It helps build their confidence as a parent and will give you much-needed breaks. BUT, don’t go so far as to let them (this is directed towards anyone with a male-identifying counterpart) install the big boy car seat unsupervised because otherwise your child will end up on a joy ride to The Grove facing the wrong way.  

10. When the going gets tough, snacks. So. Many. Snacks. For you, too. And when you fix yourself a snack, do it during nap time and make it the most luxurious snack you’ve ever encountered. Put it on a pretty plate, drizzle expensive olive oil and Maldon salt on your carrot sticks and sit somewhere you can look out the window and feel the sun on your skin. 

11.  Try not to get too caught up in the comparison game with other parents. Comparison will never serve you. Have the thought, take a breath and move on. 

     

12. My husband and I were arguing a lot about the division of time on the weekends so that everyone is happy and we’ve come up with a system called The Half and Half that’s been working for us. On Saturday we do something together as a family, then on Sunday I take Louis in the morning so my husband can do something for himself and my husband takes Louis in the afternoon so I can do something for myself. We got high marks from our therapist for this.

13. If you can stay curious and empathetic eighty-five to ninety percent of the time, you’re doing a lot right. 

14. Cliché or not, there’s a healing that comes from buying yourself an overpriced midday matcha latte with the oat milk you’re not supposed to be drinking. 

    

    Please note the olive oil and flaky salt on my crudité. It’s important.

15. Babies are on their own timelines and do things when they’re ready. Mine is not fully walking independently yet. He was “late” to crawling, too. Of course, he did crawl and he will walk. Everyone is fine!   

16. If you breastfed, the hormonal comedown after weaning is jarringly and disturbingly real. I am going to write a longer post about this.

17. Being a mom and a parent is so much about re-parenting yourself. Jesus Christ.      

18. Older generations tell us to enjoy every moment. That’s not possible. But, it is possible and useful to apply perspective during both the good and the tough times. When they nuzzle their little face into your shoulder and you can feel their hot breath on your neck - this will not last forever. Hold onto this. When they are throwing a tantrum and you’re starting to feel your nails digging into the fleshy part of your fists - this will also not last forever. Let it go.  

19. Be silly as often as you can!

*That was 19 things. Oops.

If you have anything to add I would love to hear it so please do so in the comments!

The end!