Contemplating My Worth in a Lululemon Dressing Room

A very bad idea, but you probably could have told me that.

*This essay deals with body image. Feel free to skip if this topic is triggering to you.

Sunday was my “free” day. My husband took Louis and I attempted to do some nice things for myself. I wanted to get a manicure, go to hot pilates and buy a new pair of workout leggings, which is how I ended up at a place I’ve never shopped at before: Lululemon. I cried on the way there. These last few weeks have been filled with a lot of conflict for me personally, so much so that I’m starting to blame the mystical, which really means I’m blaming the moon: the blood moon, full moon, all the radical moons we’ve been having, for the strife, even though I know that logically my tense family dynamics have nothing to do with the moon and likely everything to do with the feeling that we’re all slowly imploding under the weight of uncertainty.

Things aren’t that bad - well they are and they aren’t. I’m getting my period in two days. Everything will be fine. But, I do feel a bit like I’m on the precipice of …