Cranky Mama

A video went viral and I'm slightly horrified.

Something interesting has happened. I posted a video to Instagram and TikTok last week and it went viral. While I’m active on Instagram, I’m not active on TikTok (there was a fleeting moment where I thought I would try to be, but I have since remembered that it’s weird over there) and the fact that said video has over ONE MILLION views between the two is mortifying.

The video is of me and Louis reading Todd Parr’s, The Feelings Book, which, I’m sure you can guess is aimed at helping kids learn to identify their feelings. I’ve linked the video here so you can watch for yourself, but in case you don’t want to watch, the video is taken from my vantage point of reading the book with Louis on my lap so you never see our faces. One page has a picture of a scowling blonde stick figure wearing a 60s style, flip hairdo and a bow. The text reads, “Sometimes I feel cranky.” The opposite page shows a smiling red-headed stick figure woman in the bathtub. The text on that page reads, “Sometimes I feel like staying in the bathtub all day.”

Cranky Mama in all her glory.

In the video, Louis points to the drawing of the scowling stick figure woman and in his sweet little voice and with impeccable comedic timing he says, “Mama!” Multiple. Times. He gets me good and as my friend Tracy commented, it’s a masterpiece. You can hear me laughing throughout the video. I point to the bathing woman and bait him with, “What about the woman in the bath? That’s not mama?” Crickets. The rest of the video is him asserting that the cranky woman is mama. While it’s very funny, did I think that it was 500,000 TikTok views in five days, funny? I did not! I’m used to just friends and family commenting on my posts, so the fact that there have been hundreds of comments has been a real shock.

The majority of people appreciate the video for what it is, a funny and very relatable moment between a mom and her kid. There’s been a lot of laughing/crying and skull emojis. There’s also been encouraging messages from fellow moms, saying, “Don’t worry mama my kid would say the same!” “I feel you mama!” “This just tells me mama’s not taking care of herself and she needs a nice bath!” This is the wild world of social media at its best - moms recognizing each other, feeling seen, finding comfort in humor and being supportive because, let’s face it, we are all Cranky Mama at one point or another which is why I’m assuming the video resonated with so many people (of course, I’m also aware that people really like stupid stuff, too).

But, where there’s smoke, there’s fire and while the negative comments are the minority, here they are: “This is concerning. She sees you as angry.” (Everyone thinks Louis is a girl.) “Should be a wakeup call.” “It’s sad that your baby picked up on this so early.” There was an Instagram remix (I had no idea what the fuck a remix was before this) that re-posted the video with the caption, “Do you feel guilty as a mom sometimes?” But this one, from a not-hot shirtless white guy in a cowboy hat who really isn’t allowed an opinion, is my favorite: “I don’t like that we have angry and sad people all over everything for babies now.” HA.

What I find interesting is that both sets of comments are opposite sides of the same coin: they’re a reaction to what it is for a mom to be human and for her kid to pick up on that human-ness. Obviously, there’s a whole genre of parenting videos like mine, my husband and I DM them back and forth to each other almost daily. I would argue that they’re the antidote to the presentations of ‘aspirational motherhood’ that we were inundated with at social media’s outset (well, we’re still inundated with ‘aspirational motherhood,’ but at least we have these types of videos to balance the others out now).

To talk about the trolls’ views of motherhood for a minute, it’s telling that at a time when moms are showing all sides of the story, not just the one that fits the narrative they might be more comfortable with, it’s negative. It’s the reductive assumption that because I was Cranky Mama one day, that I’m always mad or upset. It’s to deny that mothers are complex and deeply-feeling, that we’re capable of holding two different realities at once. It refutes that we can be a good mom and have a bad day. It’s bullshit, especially because in the grand scheme of things, moms have a lot to be cranky about, but our kids are hardly ever the reason why we’re cranky.

The cover of the book. Today I was Green Mama, Blue Mama, Purple Mama and Pink Mama.

More often than not, Cranky Mama is a symptom of trying to meet the unrealistic expectations cowboy-hat man saw on T.V. and would like us to uphold, even though in the U.S. we aren’t given decent parental leave, provided affordable childcare, or have any systems in place that support moms, whether they work outside the home or not. (Just for the record, I like cowboy hats. I felt like I needed to clear the air there.) To me, this comment was the equivalent of a man telling me to “Smile!” in the grocery store.

The pressure that mothers are under is unbelievable. Last week I was out to lunch and I overheard a woman talking to her friend about how they gave out promotions at work while she was on maternity leave. They told her she would have to wait until next year to be considered. Her baby won’t take a bottle and she has a doctor’s note to leave the office if she needs to feed, but then she misses work. When she’s at work, she feels guilty she’s not at home. She told her friend that what was happening was completely unsustainable and she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to stay at her job even though she worked hard to get to where she is. I was listening to this and thinking, What the actual fuck? How did we get here?

Cranky Mama comes down to being under-resourced, which is exactly what I was the day this video was taken. It was December, right before the holidays, when everyone’s stress thresholds are lower. We’d just had an unexpected death in the family and I’d spoken at the funeral days before. I was sad and not as patient as usual. My son sensed this and he put me in my place, which, HALLELUJAH! I’m glad that he did! I want to raise the kind of kid that says, “Hey mom, is something up? You’ve been really prickly.” To which I will say, “You know what? Something is up. Mom’s having a little bit of a hard time right now, but it will pass. It has nothing to do with my love for you! I’m sorry if I’ve been prickly!”

The fact that Louis is not yet two and he was able to communicate this shows me that I am raising this kind of kid. I learned something that day, or rather, something was reinforced, which maybe should’ve been obvious because my son came from me and we share cells and DNA and I tell him every night that even if I’m not right next to him I’m always with him because we’re connected. We are connected. Of course he can read me like a book. I know this now more than ever and I’ve become more self-reflective because of it.

Going viral has me thinking much more critically about social media and the way that it shapes us. I think it’s made me more cynical - I’m now certain that it’s the downfall of modern society and if it wasn't pretty much essential to relevancy today (God help us all), I wouldn’t have it. I’m already thinking about what I’m going to do when Louis starts asking me for a phone (it has to be a flip, right?) Anyway, I’ll probably regret writing this last bit, but that’s the end of my rant and likely the most in-depth dissection of a TikTok video known to man.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

C

P.S. I made a roast chicken last night and tonight I shredded what was left and heated it up in a pan with some oil and a little Siete Chicken Fajita Seasoning and made tacos. It took all of ten minutes and was immensely satisfying for a Wednesday night, even if the seasoning is a little salty.